Laughter is also an important part of life. Some people spend their lives making people laugh and having a good laugh themselves. They laugh, gossip and keep themselves busy instead of worrying about the problems that arise in life. The Cheerful Quotations for Laughs given here are selected by some famous comedians and writers that will make you laugh more.
1. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” — Jack Whitehall
2. “You can kid the world, but not your sister.” ― Charlotte Gray
3. “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” —W.C. Fields
4. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West
5. “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
6. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ― George Carlin
7. “Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.” ―Ellen DeGeneres
8. “All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
9. “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” —Sandra Bullock
10. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” —Mark Twain
11. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
12. “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.” ―Bill Watterson
13. “Some sunshine is good for the soul, but I always make sure I wear a big hat.” — Miranda Kerr
14. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
15. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe.” ―Albert Einstein
16. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ― Erma Bombeck
17. “I’d love to stand here and talk with you…but I’m not going to.” — Phil Connors, “Groundhog Day”
18. “Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.” — Philip K. Dick
19. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” — Jimmy Kimmel
20. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ― Charles M. Schulz
21. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” ― Judith Martin
22. “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” —Joan Rivers
23. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” ― Bill Gates
24. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
25. “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” ―Isaac Asimov
26. “Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.” —Mark Twain
27. “Keep calm and carry a wand.” — A.W. Jantha
28. “The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.” — Willy Wonka
29. “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” ― Andre Maurois
30. “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld
31. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres
32. “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” ― George Bernard Shaw
33. “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” — Oscar Wilde
34. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
35. “Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.” ― Golda Meir
36. “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.” ―Oscar Wilde
37. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ― Oscar Wilde
38. “Instant gratification takes too long.” ― Carrie Fisher
39. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” — Ace Ventura
40. “Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” ― Bo Derek
41. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” ―W.C. Fields
42. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” — Halley Reed
43. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
44. “As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.” — Prince William
45. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” — Lin-Manuel Miranda
46. “My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.” ―Winston S. Churchill
47. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vince Lombardi
48. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
49. “When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
50. “Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
51. “I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt
52. “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” ― Mark Twain
53. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” ― Mitch Hedberg
54. “It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.” — Shirley MacLaine
55. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” ― Terry Pratchett, “Diggers”
56. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” — Joan Rivers
57. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” ― Norman Wisdom
58. “Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” ― Luis Bunuel
59. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” — Mindy Kaling, “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?”
60. Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” — Steven Wright
61. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Noel Coward
62. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” — Ellen DeGeneres
63. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” — Jack Handey
64. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” ― Tina Fey
65. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” — Charlie Brown
66. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don’t have to shake hands.” — Larry David
67. “When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” —Lily Tomlin
68. “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” ― Oscar Wilde
69. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler Bing, “Friends”
70“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ― Isaac Asimov
71. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” — Damien Fahey
72. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
73. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” ― P. J. O’Rourke
74. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” — Nora Ephron
75. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” — George Carlin
76. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
77. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Shirley MacLaine
78. “People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.” — Dolly Parton
“79. My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’” ― Rose Nylund
80. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” ― George Burns
Read More: Less Known Funny Quotes USA
