70 Clever Funny Sayings of Life to Make You Laugh More

Clever Funny Sayings describe art about your life. What you find yourself talking about in your daily life with your friends. How do you spice up your party and how do you make it fun? Let’s enjoy Clever and Funny Sayings written by famous writers.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. —Cathy Guisewite

Clever Funny Sayings of Life

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. —Oscar Wilde

The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana. —Betty White

If you can’t be kind, at least be vague. —Judith Martin

Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any. —Samuel L. Jackson

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. —Pauline Thomason

Clever funny sayings in english

Reality continues to ruin my life. ―Bill Watterson

Don’t be so humble — you are not that great. ―Golda Meir

Never miss a good chance to shut up. ―Will Rogers

I’ve had great success being a total idiot. ―Jerry Lewis

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police. —Joan Rivers

funny sayings about life

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ―Phyllis Diller

The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone. —Dolly Parton

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. —Jim Carrey

Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system. ―Ellen DeGeneres

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. —Lucille Ball

funny crazy quotes

Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford. —Cindy Crawford

Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin’ across your face. —Truvy Jones

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. —Phyllis Diller

Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese. —Luis Bunuel

A woman is like a tea bag: You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. —Eleanor Roosevelt

short funny phrases

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. —Steve Martin

I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending. —Jack Whitehall

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. —Noel Coward

People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. —Joan Rivers

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? —Jean Illsley Clarke

love funny quote

Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door. —Marcelene Cox

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. —Sarah Brown

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. —Albert King

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. —Les Dawson

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food. —W.C. Fields

Clever funny sayings about life

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. —Oscar Wilde

Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance? —Phyllis Diller

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. ―Jerome K. Jerome

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. ―Charles Lamb

Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair. —Dorothy Parker

humour quotes in english

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. ―Winston S. Churchill

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening. —Alexander Woollcott

Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired. —Sandra Bullock

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. —Isaac Asimov

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. —Groucho Marx

very short funny quotes about life (2)

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome. ―Isaac Asimov

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well. —Mark Twain

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. —Benjamin Franklin

I don’t trust anyone who does their own hair. I don’t think it’s natural. —Truvy Jones

I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception. —Groucho Marx

humorous clever sayings

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? —Jay Leno

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. —Elbert Hubbard

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. ―Mae West

Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me! —Charlie Brown

I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness. ―Bill Watterson

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ―Mae West

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. ―W.C. Fields

I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!! ― Charles M. Schulz

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability. ―Oscar Wilde

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe. ―Albert Einstein

As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. —Sir Norman Wisdom

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. —Will Ferrell

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. —Albert Einstein

Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company. —Mark Twain

Instant gratification takes too long. —Carrie Fisher

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. —Mark Twain

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out. —Erma Bombeck

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. —Phyllis Diller

It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. —Dorothy Zbornak

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas. —Paula Poundstone

If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them. —Reese Witherspoon

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. —Jerry Seinfeld
Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help mom do the dishes. —P.J. O’Rourke

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. —Graham Norton

Read More: Hilarious Quotes for Everyday Life