Clever Funny Sayings describe art about your life. What you find yourself talking about in your daily life with your friends. How do you spice up your party and how do you make it fun? Let’s enjoy Clever and Funny Sayings written by famous writers.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. —Cathy Guisewite
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. —Oscar Wilde
The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana. —Betty White
If you can’t be kind, at least be vague. —Judith Martin
Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any. —Samuel L. Jackson
Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. —Pauline Thomason
Reality continues to ruin my life. ―Bill Watterson
Don’t be so humble — you are not that great. ―Golda Meir
Never miss a good chance to shut up. ―Will Rogers
I’ve had great success being a total idiot. ―Jerry Lewis
You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police. —Joan Rivers
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ―Phyllis Diller
The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone. —Dolly Parton
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. —Jim Carrey
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system. ―Ellen DeGeneres
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. —Lucille Ball
Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford. —Cindy Crawford
Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin’ across your face. —Truvy Jones
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. —Phyllis Diller
Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese. —Luis Bunuel
A woman is like a tea bag: You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. —Eleanor Roosevelt
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. —Steve Martin
I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending. —Jack Whitehall
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. —Noel Coward
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. —Joan Rivers
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? —Jean Illsley Clarke
Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door. —Marcelene Cox
The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. —Sarah Brown
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. —Albert King
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. —Les Dawson
I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food. —W.C. Fields
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. —Oscar Wilde
Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance? —Phyllis Diller
I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. ―Jerome K. Jerome
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. ―Charles Lamb
Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair. —Dorothy Parker
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. ―Winston S. Churchill
All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening. —Alexander Woollcott
Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired. —Sandra Bullock
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. —Isaac Asimov
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. —Groucho Marx
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome. ―Isaac Asimov
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well. —Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. —Benjamin Franklin
I don’t trust anyone who does their own hair. I don’t think it’s natural. —Truvy Jones
I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception. —Groucho Marx
Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? —Jay Leno
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. —Elbert Hubbard
I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. ―Mae West
Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me! —Charlie Brown
I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness. ―Bill Watterson
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ―Mae West
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. ―W.C. Fields
I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!! ― Charles M. Schulz
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability. ―Oscar Wilde
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe. ―Albert Einstein
As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. —Sir Norman Wisdom
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. —Will Ferrell
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. —Albert Einstein
Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company. —Mark Twain
Instant gratification takes too long. —Carrie Fisher
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. —Mark Twain
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out. —Erma Bombeck
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. —Phyllis Diller
It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. —Dorothy Zbornak
Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas. —Paula Poundstone
If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them. —Reese Witherspoon
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. —Jerry Seinfeld
Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help mom do the dishes. —P.J. O’Rourke
A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. —Graham Norton
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