Funny Christian Quotes Pictures | Hilarious Christian Sayings

Funny Christian Quotes lol. Enjoy our funny religious quotes collection. Best Funny Christian Quotes selected by thousands of our users!

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. George Bernard Shaw

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Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
Garrison Keillor

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The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.
Herb Caen

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Christianity is the strangest religion ever set up, for it committed a murder upon Jesus in order to redeem mankind from the sin of eating an apple.
Thomas Paine

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Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn’t there, and finding it.
Oscar Wilde

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Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen

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A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
Thomas Ybarra

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A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.
Mark Twain

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humor religion quotes — Humor religion quotes

Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God.
Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

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The number of followers you have doesn’t make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.
Anonymous

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Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
Billy Sunday

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A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.
Billy Graham

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The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
G. K. Chesterton

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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
Mark Twain

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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben

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I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
Mahatma Ghandi

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The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
Mark Twain

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The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.
Dante Rossetti

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On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park.
Curtis McDougall

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Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
Napoleon

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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me… they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin

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Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
Aldous Huxley

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I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.
Ronald Reagan

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The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found difficult and left untried.
G. K. Chesterton

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But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Mark Twain

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People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry

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It is time the Arabs and the Jews sat down and settled this dispute in the true Christian spirit.
Senator Warren Austin

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If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said “No”.
Stevie Smith

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Funny Quotes About Faith

Faith my be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
H. L. Mencken

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Faith, to my mind, is a stiffening process, a sort of mental starch, which ought to be applied as sparingly as possible.
E. M. Forster

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If there were no faith there would be no living in this world. We couldn’t even eat hash with any safety.
Josh Billings

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We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to learn that it is God shaking them.
Charles West

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Faith is much better than belief. Belief is when someone else does the thinking.
R. Buckminster Fuller

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I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
Wilson Mizner

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Scepticism is the beginning of faith.
Oscar Wilde

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Some things have to be believed to be seen.
Ralph Hodgson

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Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
Friedrich Nietzsche

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I’ve never understood how God could expect His creatures to pick the one true religion by faith – it strikes me as a sloppy way to run a universe.
Robert A. Heinlein

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The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.
Benjamin Franklin

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We have not lost faith. but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession.
George Bernard Shaw

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Those of little faith are of little hatred.
Eric Hoffer

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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains…. But it can put mountains where there are none.
Friedrich Nietzsche

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Funny Church Quotes

short christian quotes — Short christian quotes

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Garrison Keillor

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A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to people who will never get there.
H. L. Mencken

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Go to church this Sunday – avoid the Christmas rush.
London graffito

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I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin

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