80+ More Funny Confucius Quotes To Cheer You Up

Funny Confucius Quotes and jokes are a great way to make you laugh when you feel down. We’ve selected some of the best Funny Confucius Quotes to make you crack up.

Funny confucius quotes
Funny confucius quotes
  • “Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed.”
  • “Man who kisses girl’s behind, get crack in face.”
  • “Man with one chopstick go hungry.”
  • “Inventor of shag carpet make big pile.”
  • “Man who walk with nose in air very easy to hook.”
  • “With great power comes great electricity bill.”
  • “Crowded elevator smell different to midget.”
  • “Man who throw dirt losing ground.”
  • “Support bacteria — it’s the only culture some people have.”
  • “Fly which rest on toilet seat get pissed off.”
Confucius quotes funny
Confucius quotes funny
  • “Man who stand on toilet high on pot.”
  • “He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.”
  • “House without toilet is uncanny.”
  • “Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.”
  • “Wise man not play leapfrog with unicorn.”
  • “Man with no legs bums around.”
  • “Man who drives like hell bound to get there.”
  • “Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!”
  • “Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.”
  • “If something happen but nobody post it on Facebook, did it really happen?”
Confucius funny quotes
Confucius funny quotes
  • “Passionate kiss like spider’s web soon lead to undoing of fly.”
  • “Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.”
  • “Man who put on itchy sweater start every day from scratch.”
  • “Man who does very little makes very few mistakes.”
  • “He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.”
  • “Man who have clear conscience usually have bad memory, too.”
  • “War not determine who is right, war determine who is left.”
  • “Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.”
  • “Everyone has a photographic memory, some people just don’t have film!”
  • “When man bring wife flowers for no reason, there usually reason.”

patient jokes

  • “Man who want pretty nurse must be patient.”
  • “Give man fish, feed him for a day. Teach man to fish, man build industry and destroy ecosystem.”
  • “He who is stupid today is still stupid tomorrow.”
  • “Steal a man’s wallet and he’ll be poor for a week. Teach hockey to his kids and he’ll be poor forever.”
  • “Woman who dates gambler, gets cheated on.”
  • “Behind every successful man is good woman — and very surprised mother-in-law.”
  • “No husband ever been shot while he do dishes.”
  • “Man with athletic finger make broad jump.”
  • “Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.”
  • “Man who open car door for girlfriend reveal one thing: either car is new or girlfriend is new.”
Funny confucius quotes best
Funny confucius quotes best
  • “Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.”
  • “He who fish in other man’s well often catches crabs.”
  • “Woman who come to bed wearing nothing but running shoes, wants to have marathon session.”
  • “State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.”
  • “Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!”
  • “Woman who absentmindedly answer the door in her nightie is negligent.”
  • “Mummys who take vacation, will relax and unwind.”
  • “Husband who sleep on couch last night, have hard time today.”
  • “Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.”
  • “Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!”

cross eyed jokes

  • “Cross-eyed teacher cannot control pupils.”
  • “Man who get hit by car, get that run-down feeling.”
  • “Don’t drink and park, accidents cause people.”
  • “Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.”
  • “Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.”
  • “Man who give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach will abdicate.”
  • “Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!”
  • “A butler with no teeth is called an in-dentured servant.”
  • “Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.”
  • “If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.”
  • “Man who shoot off mouth must expect to lose face.”

Read More: Short Jokes

Confucius says funny quotes
Confucius says funny quotes
  • “Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!”
  • “When dentist say ‘open wide’, does he mean mouth or wallet?”
  • “Blind man who pees on electric fence will see the light.”
  • “Man who make mistake in elevator wrong on many levels.”
  • “Man who keep both feet firmly planted on ground have trouble putting on pants.”
  • “Chinese couple who have white baby, name it Sum Ting Wong.”
  • “He who laughs last did not get the joke.”
  • “Man who live in glass house should change in basement.”
  • “Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.”
  • “Man who tied to chair bound to agree.”
  • “He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!”
  • “He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.”
  • “Give a man some fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of the day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”
  • “Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.”
  • “When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.”
  • “A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.”

Read More: Dark Humor Quotes

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