150 Top Funny Love Quotes With Pics That Make You Lol

Read more funny quotes about love. These funny love quotes express the special feeling of falling in love, and laugh at all the crazy emotions you feel as you fall in love.

Funny love quotes for him pictures
Funny love quotes for him pictures

Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.

short funny love quotes for him
Short funny love quotes for him

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

Funny love quotes for her pictures
Funny love quotes for her pictures

You are the cause why my eyeglasses fog.

Funny love quotes for him
Funny love quotes for him

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason

Romantic humorous quotes

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I’m scared!

Marrage humorous quotes

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. – Phyllis Schlafly

Funny love quotes
Funny love quotes

You add meaning to my life and yet, you subtract some cash from my wallet.

Mental boyfriend sayings

My mind works great wonder 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day until I met you.

Funny love quotes from movies
Funny love quotes from movies

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

Husband hurmor quotes

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner

Funny love quotes tagalog
Funny love quotes tagalog

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

funny love quotes for her
Funny love quotes for her

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. – George Burns

Funny quotes to make him smile
Funny quotes to make him smile

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. – Les Dawson

friendship funny sayings

  • Staying in love for more than 5 years is almost impossible. Staying in love with the same person for you’re the rest of your life is a miracle.
  • Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. – Thomas Dewar
  • I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. – Elizabeth Evans
  • You want to know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.
  • Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller
  • Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz
  • Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along!
  • Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.
  • Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass. – English Proverb
  • Love is the same as like except you feel sexier. – Judith Viorst
  • Good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.
  • According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.
  • He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. – Ring Lardner
  • If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.
  • Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.
  • It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.
  • Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein
  • All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz
  • Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen
  • If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. – Miles Davis
  • The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.
  • My head and my heart will never cease their endless war. When my head says ‘I don’t care, my heart says ‘I do care’. When my head says ‘I’m not thinking about her, my heart says ‘of course you do.’
  • During my days, the teenagers talk about movies, music and love. Now, all the kids talk about are sex, relationship and heartbreak.
  • Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.
  • Marriage does not only require you to deal with expenses and the toilet seat, you also have to deal with feelings and the last resort, the lawyers.
  • Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.
  • I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. – Chico Marx
  • I want to be the reason when you look down on your phone, you’ll have this goofy smile in your face and jump up and down like a silly little girl, and then fall down a manhole.
  • My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers
  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
  • Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. – Jean Kerr
  • Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz
  • Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.
  • Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.
  • Girls cry their eyes out until they are dry, while boys drink their beers until their mugs are all dried up.
  • I wish there’s a traffic light to tell me when to stop, go and slow down when I took this road of falling in love.
  • I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night and your most painful goodbye.
  • Stop waiting for your prince in a white horse. Go and find him. The poor bastard might be lost, stuck in an island or something.
  • Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris
  • Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms. – J. P. Senn
  • My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor. – Elayne Boosler
  • When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life. – Richard Lewis
  • Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. – Franklin P. Jones
  • Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. – Bill Maher
  • Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. – Professor Irwin Corey
  • A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
  • What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday. – Cindy Garner
  • If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. – Katherine Mansfield
  • Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do. – Bettina Arndt
  • You’re just like bacon, beer and chocolate – you make everything better.
  • Loss for words? Give that person a hug. It’s worth a thousand and more. Plus, it’s free.
  • You’re the cheese on top of my spaghetti, the cream on top of my frappuccino and the cheesecake on my red velvet cake.
  • A person in love partly becomes a poet, a composer and the corniest person in the room.
  • I want someone who will pause his game just to answer my call.
  • You’ll know a person is in love when he can laugh like a fool by himself and keeps a goofy smile plastered on his face all day long.
  • Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. – Carroll Bryant
  • A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie
  • True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. – Francois de la Rochefoucauld
  • Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. – Pauline Thomason
  • Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. – Helen Gurley Brown
  • Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills. – Jessica Martin
  • It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. – Lucille Ball
  • I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu. But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you.
  • If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back. – Chelsea Peretti
  • Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. – Will Ferrell
  • I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. – Russell Brand
  • I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. – Rita Rudner
  • If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back. – Chelsea Peretti
  • Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing. – Natasha Leggero
  • I’m now making a Jewish porno film. Ten percent sex, 90 percent guilt. – Henny Youngman
  • Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. – Richard Jeni
  • If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin
  • Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner. – Jerry Seinfeld
  • My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers
  • Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. – Chelsea Handler
  • Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen
  • If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something. – Fran Lebowitz
  • Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. – Richard Pryor
  • There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Chris Rock
  • My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. – Rodney Dangerfield
  • I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. – Johnny Carson
  • My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning. – Ray Romano
  • I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early. – Jack Benny
  • Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. – Billy Crystal
  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. – Steven Wright
  • My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.
  • If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards. – J.A. Redmerski
  • Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford
  • My last love is just like that thong peter griffin borrowed from me… Never getting it back. – Refinnej Sin
  • You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale. – Hussein Nishah
  • In any perfect relationship men should remember it’s a matter of direction; she takes what’s right and you take what’s left. – Solitaire Parke
  • Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore. – Bree Luckey
  • My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. – Rodney D
  • Love is like finding a needle in a haystack. – FaithHopeNLove
  • Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. – Jewish Proverbangerfield
  • We’re like Romeo & Juliet.. Except for the dying part of course. – Justina
  • The key to a successful relationship is to clear your internet history. – Quoteistan
  • Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – Cathy Carlyle
  • They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
  • The more she turned right the more I turned wrong. – Mark W. Boyer
  • If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. – Katherine Mansfield
  • Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz
  • In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place. – Rowland
  • In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. – Woody Allen
  • Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.
  • If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? – Lilly Tomlin
  • The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want? – Freud
  • People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. – Bob Hope
  • Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. – Pauline Thomason
  • Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. – Oscar Wilde
  • Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions. – Tommy Dewar
  • Love is being stupid together. – Paul Valery
  • I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. – David Bissonette
  • Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford
  • Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin
  • I love you and it’s getting worse. – Joseph E. Morris
  • Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. – Jules Renard
  • Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. – Albert Einstein
  • Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. – Lemony Snicket
  • Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage. – Ambrose Bierce
  • As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy. – Ralphie May
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henry Youngman
  • Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller
  • My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante
  • I solemnly swear I am up to no good especially when I am all alone with you.
  • By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates
  • In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place. – Rowland
  • Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlist. – James Garner
  • I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since. – Arturo Toscanini
  • Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. – Helen Gurley Brown
  • Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it. – Helen Rowland
  • Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris
  • Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry out the trash. – Joyce Brothers
  • Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
  • When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

Read More: You Complete Me Quotes

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