If you want to forget the bitterness of life or want to enjoy your life, engage yourself in fun and make your life with people who are funny. Say goodbye to all the boredom of life and read these laugh out loud humor phrases and share with your friends.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. — Mark Twain
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten. — George Carlin
I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical. – Arthur C. Clarke
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin
Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door. – Marcelene Cox
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Humor is reason gone mad. – Groucho Marx
There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. – Mindy Kaling
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. – Steven Wright
I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food. – W.C. Fields
Humor is just another defense against the universe. – Mel Brooks
Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. – Virginia Woolf
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. – E.E. Cummings
Laughter is the closest distance between two people. – Victor Borge
Humor is everywhere in that there’s irony in just about anything a human does. – Bill Nye
There are two classes of travel—first class and with children. — Robert Benchley
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” —Jerry Seinfeld
Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. — George Burns
The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. — Doug Larson
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. — Jeff Valdez
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.— Oscar Wilde
Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. – Leo Rosten
A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself. – Doug Larson
I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it. – Frank A. Clark
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. – James Thurber
You may not be able to change a situation, but with humor you can change your attitude about it. – Allen Klein
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. — Oscar Wilde
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most do. — Dale Carnegie
If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat? — John Cleese
I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food. — W.C. Fields
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most. — Addison H. Hallock
Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any. — Samuel L. Jackson
Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished. — Leslie Nielsen
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. — Mark Twain
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. — Fran Lebowitz
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. – Steven Wright
Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. – Will Rogers
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. – Dr. Seuss
Laughter is an instant vacation. – Milton Berle
Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end. – Sid Caesar
My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. – Caroline Rhea
I’m not funny. What I am is brave. – Lucille Ball
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. – Peter Ustinov
I think the scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor. – Michael J. Fox
It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor. – Max Eastman
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W.C Fields
A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children. — Dave Barry
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home. — Dennis Miller
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. — G.K. Chesterton
By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it. — George Burns
She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation. — Jean Webster
The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. — George Will
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. — Albert Einstein
Laugh as much as possible, always laugh. It’s the sweetest thing one can do for oneself & one’s fellow human beings. – Maya Angelou
The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. – Mark Twain
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. – Erma Bombeck
I realize that humor isn’t for everyone. It’s only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. – Anne Wilson Schaef
Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got when you ought to have it. – Langston Hughes
Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. – Langston Hughes
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. – E.B. White
Humor is the most engaging cowardice. – Robert Frost
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. – Joan Rivers
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles M. Schulz
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out. – Erma Bombeck
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful. – Bob Hope
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. – William Arthur Ward
A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. – Mignon McLaughlin
You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches tolerance. – W. Somerset Maugham
No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humor. – Samuel Taylor Coleridge
If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. – Jennifer Jones
Read More: Funny Quotes About Life Lessons
