Here are some hilarious funny quotes about men that will tickle your funny bone.
Women have their faults, men have only two: everything they say, everything they do.
Unknown
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
There are three types of men in the world. Men that are dominated by women and know it. Men that are dominated by women and don’t know it.
And bachelors!!
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Rita Rudner
I’d never seen men hold each other. I thought the only thing they were allowed to do was shake hands or fight.
Rita Mae Brown
Women want mediocre men, and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
Margaret Mead
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
Erica Jong
I don’t mind men who kiss and tell. I need all the publicity I can get.
Ruth Buzzi
Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.
Mae West
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper
Read More: Minion Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes about Men & Women
- Husbands are like fine wine. They take time to mature.
Letters to Juliet, the movie. - The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.
Conan O’Brien - I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery. I insist on believing that some men are my equals.
Brigid Brophy - It’s not the men in my life that count; it’s the life in my men.
Mae West - When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Mae West - No nice men are good at getting taxis.
Katharine Whitehorn - In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher - See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams - Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.
Robert Jordan - A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.”
Conan O’Brien - Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.
Plato - Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.
Mae West - A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner - The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on women.
Nancy Astor - You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
Bill Maher - Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.
Nora Ephron - Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself – like, for instance, he can’t find any clean socks.
Jean Kerr - The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage.
Zsa Zsa Gabor - Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.
Oscar Wilde - Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
Rita Rudner - When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Elaine Boosler - Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin - You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.
Brigham Young - What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
Mark Twain - No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.
Elizabeth Peters - Women want love to be a novel. Men, a short story.
Daphne du Maurier - Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealings with men.
Joseph Conrad - Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.
Lady Gaga - Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
Winston Churchill - As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
John Lennon - Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
Neil Gaiman - Men don’t get cellulite. God just might be a man.
Rita Rudner - I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
Mae West - Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Timothy Leary - I married beneath me. All women do.
Nancy Astor - Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner - I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Dorothy Parker - A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Gloria Steinem
Very good article. Fantastic.