Men Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh Till Your Insides

Here are some hilarious funny quotes about men that will tickle your funny bone.

Men funny quotesMen funny quotes

Women have their faults, men have only two: everything they say, everything they do.

Short quotes for menShort quotes for men

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner

Funny quotes about men

Funny quotes about men

There are three types of men in the world. Men that are dominated by women and know it. Men that are dominated by women and don’t know it.
And bachelors!!

Man vs woman funny quotesMan vs woman funny quotes

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin

Funny quotes about men's egoFunny quotes about men’s ego

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Rita Rudner

quotes about lockdown

I’d never seen men hold each other. I thought the only thing they were allowed to do was shake hands or fight.
Rita Mae Brown

guys humor sayings

Women want mediocre men, and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
Margaret Mead

funny quotes about life

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
Erica Jong

Funny quotes about guys being players

Funny quotes about guys being players

I don’t mind men who kiss and tell. I need all the publicity I can get.
Ruth Buzzi

Funny guy quotes for instagramFunny guy quotes for instagram

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.
Mae West

best lines

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper

Read More: Minion Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes about Men & Women

  1. Husbands are like fine wine. They take time to mature.
    Letters to Juliet, the movie.
  2. The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.
    Conan O’Brien
  3. I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery. I insist on believing that some men are my equals.
    Brigid Brophy
  4. It’s not the men in my life that count; it’s the life in my men.
    Mae West
  5. When women go wrong, men go right after them.
    Mae West
  6. No nice men are good at getting taxis.
    Katharine Whitehorn
  7. In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
    Margaret Thatcher
  8. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
    Robin Williams
  9. Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.
    Robert Jordan
  10. A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.”
    Conan O’Brien
  11. Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.
  12. Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.
    Mae West
  13. A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax.
    Rita Rudner
  14. The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on women.
    Nancy Astor
  15. You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
    Bill Maher
  16. Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.
    Nora Ephron
  17. Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself – like, for instance, he can’t find any clean socks.
    Jean Kerr
  18. The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage.
    Zsa Zsa Gabor
  19. Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.
    Oscar Wilde
  20. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
    Rita Rudner
  21. When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
    Elaine Boosler
  22. Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
    George Carlin
  23. You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.
    Brigham Young
  24. What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
    Mark Twain
  25. No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.
    Elizabeth Peters
  26. Women want love to be a novel. Men, a short story.
    Daphne du Maurier
  27. Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealings with men.
    Joseph Conrad
  28. Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.
    Lady Gaga
  29. Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
    Winston Churchill
  30. As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
    John Lennon
  31. Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
    Neil Gaiman
  32. Men don’t get cellulite. God just might be a man.
    Rita Rudner
  33. I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
    Mae West
  34. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
    Timothy Leary
  35. I married beneath me. All women do.
    Nancy Astor
  36. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
    Rita Rudner
  37. I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
    Dorothy Parker
  38. A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
    Gloria Steinem