Here are some hilarious funny quotes about men that will tickle your funny bone.
Men funny quotes
Women have their faults, men have only two: everything they say, everything they do.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
There are three types of men in the world. Men that are dominated by women and know it. Men that are dominated by women and don’t know it.
Man vs woman funny quotes
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
I’d never seen men hold each other. I thought the only thing they were allowed to do was shake hands or fight.
Rita Mae Brown
Women want mediocre men, and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
I don’t mind men who kiss and tell. I need all the publicity I can get.
Funny guy quotes for instagram
Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
Read More: Minion Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes about Men & Women
- Husbands are like fine wine. They take time to mature.
Letters to Juliet, the movie.
- The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.
- I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery. I insist on believing that some men are my equals.
- It’s not the men in my life that count; it’s the life in my men.
- When women go wrong, men go right after them.
- No nice men are good at getting taxis.
- In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
- See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
- Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.
- A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.”
- Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.
- Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.
- A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax.
- The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on women.
- You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
- Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.
- Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself – like, for instance, he can’t find any clean socks.
- The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
- Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.
- Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
- When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
- Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
- You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.
- What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
- No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.
- Women want love to be a novel. Men, a short story.
Daphne du Maurier
- Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealings with men.
- Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.
- Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
- Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
- Men don’t get cellulite. God just might be a man.
- I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
- Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- I married beneath me. All women do.
- Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
- I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
- A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.