Here are the best Funny Minion Quotes ever. Everyone loves minions. These hilarious minion quotes will definitely put a smile on your face!
“I’m guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve, but when I’m done. I’m done.”
“If a woman speaks and no one is listening, her name is probably mom.”
“Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free… and three sizes smaller?”
“Best friends they know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.”
“Brains are awesome I wish everybody has one.”
“Technically if you don’t cut a cake and just eat the whole thing with a fork you still only had one piece.”
“That annoying moment when you are texting someone and auto correct decides to join the conversation.”
“Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.”
“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
“Isn’t it funny how red, white & blue represent freedom…. Until they’re flashing behind you.”
“Some days I just don’t have enough middle fingers to go around!!!”
“Don’t worry about getting older. You still get to do stupid things, only slower.”
“Have you ever just looked at someone and said seriously.”
“My maturity level depends on who I’m with.”
“Feeling so tired that I think I might have that Chinese disease called Dragon Ass.”
“I feel like I should clean the house, so I’m going to lay down and nap until that feeling passes.”
“If I give you a straw will you go suck the fun out of someone else’s day?”
“It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth…”
“I love you with all my butt, I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.”
Read More: Best Life Quotes
- Don’t mind me, I’m just returning your nose. I found it in my business again.
- Don’t piss me off. I will stop taking my pills, and nobody wants that-do they?
- Just once in my life, I’d actually like to see a liar’s pants catch on fire.
- I live in my own little world… but it’s ok, they know me here.
- I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out my mouth.
- Having a rough day? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That’s called purpose. You’re alive for a reason. Don’t give up.
- I don’t have bad handwriting, I have my own font.
- Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it #selective participation.
- A smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me… well… that’s a sign of good taste..
- If camera lenses are round, why are the picture square.
- I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos but then I would not have any friends left.
- My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity… I said nope, we all seem to enjoy it!
- Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
- I’m not fat, god gave me airbags cause I’m precious.
- I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
- I officially resign from adult hood. Decisions will be made using the eenie-meenie minie-moe method and arguments will be settled by sticking out my tongue. I’ll be at recess if you need me.
- There’s no better feeling than going to bed at night and not having to set an alarm for tomorrow morning.
- I’m not fat I’m fluffy!
- Love is… not having to hold your farts in anymore
- My kids’ faces when I ask them if they did their chores
- How to win any argument 1. Be a woman 2. That’s it 3. You win 4. Congratulations
- Did you know #Diet” stands for: Did I eat that?
- Sometimes I wish I was an octopus. So I could slap eight people at once.
- No message picture only
- Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I am functioning at full capacity.
- They’re called ‘man hours’ because a woman would have that shit done in 20 minutes!
- I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid and others I would love to punch in the face.
- Never sing in the shower singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked, so remember don’t sing
- I love how coffee fixes everything. Tired? Drink some coffee, headache? Drink coffee, Cold? Drink coffee, someone makes you angry? Bust them in the head with the cup!
- My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning so I stayed home to take care of it.
- I don’t know what this cow is going through but I can relate.
- I hate that moment when you’re tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like just kidding..
- Of course I talk to my self. Sometimes I need expert advice.
- I did not trip. The floor looked sad, so I thought it needed a hug!
- If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge???
- It’s been a rough week but on a positive note… I didn’t need any bail money and didn’t have to hide any bodies.
- The best thing about me… I’m a limited edition. There are no other copies! Bet you’re thinking thank the good lord!
- Just because I can’t sing, doesn’t mean I won’t sing.
Read More: Thursday Funny Quotes