Chatting with friends is fun when you tell something new like a joke or a funny quote. You can tell the quirky jokes given here to give a cheerful touch to the party. Let’s read quirky jokes they will surely make your day more cheerful and refresh your mood.
1. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
2. A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
3. Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
4. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
5. A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
6. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
7. What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?
58!
8. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
9. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
10. What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
11. What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
12. What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
13. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
14. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
15. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
16. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso.
17. Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To get to the other side. Check out these other “why did the chicken cross the road?”
18. Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory.
19. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
20. What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?
The space bar.
21. Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.
22. I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know what comes first.
23. How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the udder!
24. What did one plate say to the other?
Dinner is on me!
25. What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
26. What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
27. Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
It’s two gross.
28. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
29. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
30. What’s orange and sounds like a carrot?
A parrot.
31. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
32. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
33. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
34. Why shouldn’t you use a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
35. What do you call a pig that practices karate?
A pork chop.
36. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
37. How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
38. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
39. What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business!
40. What do you call a chicken that is staring at a lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
41. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
42. Which bear is the most condescending?
A pan-duh!
43. Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
44. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
45. How does Moses make tea?
He brews.
46. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
47. How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.
48. Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?
Because you should never drink and derive.
49. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
50. What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
51. What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Thanks— I’ll never part with it!
52. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
53. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
54. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
55. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
56. What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little horse.
57. What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
58. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey.
59. Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
60. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison.
61. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
62. Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank the coffee before it was cool.
63. What’s Forest Gump’s password?
1Forest1.
64. Where does Batman go to the bathroom?
The batroom.
65. What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
66. What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
67. What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
68. Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.
69. How do you make an egg-roll?
You push it!
70. What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
71. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain.
72. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
73. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
74. What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
75. RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
76. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
77. What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
78. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
79. Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
80. What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
81. What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
82. What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
Aw, shucks!
83. Why was the fish’s grades bad?
They were below sea level.
84. What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.
85. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Ketchup.
86. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
87. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
88. What did one wall say to the other?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”
89. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
90. Why are pirates called pirates?
They just ARRRR!
91. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
92. What did the cake say to the fork?
You want a piece of me?
93. How did the two cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
94. Why did the strawberry cry?
He found himself in a jam.
95. What’s black and white and read all over?
A newspaper!
96. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut!
97. What did the nut say to the other nut in a game of tag?
Imma cashew!
98. Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
99. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
100. What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
Read More: Political Funny Quotes
